I was talking with my mother-in-law before leaving my son with her to go out on a date and I was apologizing that he was so fussy. She replied, “Its ok, I dont mind if he cries.” Instantly I said back, “Well I do!” I had never thought about it before then, that sentence. I have used it before when taking care of my nephew when he was born. He wasnt my kid and I just thought, “babies cry, its what they do, it doesnt bother me.” But when my mother-in-law said it to me, it all of a sudden clicked. That sentence is really bizarre.
Why would we say “I dont mind if they cry”? You are not the one crying. Its kind of an obscurely selfish way to think about it, though unintentional most of the time. If you were out with your 5 year old and they scraped their leg and were crying you wouldnt say, ” I dont mind if they cry”. Because they are in pain and you would instead try to console them, instead of just let them cry. The statement suggests that babies cry for no reason. I can honestly say from my experience with my own child, my now 1.5 year old nephew, babies Ive cared for when volunteering and what Ive read, babies DO NOT cry for no reason. Especially when aged one and under.
Babies are unable to speak to us using words so they have to convey their needs through cries. Crying for a child under the age of one usually means one of the following: Hungry, tired and need to be soothed, need to be changed, in pain, they are sick being the main ones, as well as several other things. They need you to help them with these things because they cant do it themselves. If my baby is crying and I just say “oh it doesnt bother me” and I let him cry, I am telling him that I dont care that hes hungry or needs to be changed. Would you be happy if you were very hungry or had soiled pants and couldnt change or eat without assistance but no one would help you? You would feel pretty upset as well as uncomfortable.
Tending to your baby when they cry not only satisfies their basic needs such as hunger, but it teaches them they can trust you. I hear all of the time from “cry it out” advocates that if you always tend to a crying infant that they become spoiled and dependent. That the “cry it out” method promotes independence as they get older. This is not the case though. Caring for your child when they need it, when they cry, teaches them they can trust you. This makes them feel safe and secure which allows them to take risks and feel comfortable doing things on their own. They know as they are in their young trial and error stages that if they fall, you will catch them. And you should. These children tend to grow up more secure with themselves and more independent and feel safe making their own choices. While using the “cry it out” method teaches your child that they cannot trust you, you will not always be there when they need you and may cause trust issues and self esteem issues as they grow. They will feel less confident in making those leaps into new things and doing things on their own.
But at the bottom of it, its just cruel. Your baby is not crying for no reason, it doesnt have ulterior motives, its not trying to be difficult. Your baby is crying because they need something. And I do mean need, not want. It cries for its essential needs. To ignore those needs is cruel and neglectful This is why I do not believe in the cry it out method. Nourish your child and give it the care that they need.
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- the-milk-eyed-mender said: babies actually learn to use deception by the time they’re around six months old
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- passivenotaggressive said: you are such a good mommy ;.; <3
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